Long overdue like old library books

Wow. I know it has been a long time but this update is gonna be juicy! Please imagine is doofy accent in each of these quotes.

#1- So I was at my desk Doin Work and Matt was at his computer surfing facebook. Out of nowhere, he turns around and says "Hey Greg... This facebook thing is kinda cool!!!" Man... what a fuckin moron.

#2- Matt had a bumper sticker on his facebook that he wanted to get rid of and he was asking about how to get rid of it. I was trying to help him out, when all of a sudden he HIGHLIGHTS the bumpersticker on his profile page and hits the delete key with a dumb look on his face.... WOW.

#3- Matt kept putting Andy's hood over his head while they were in line at church for ashes and a bunch of girls were laughing at Andy. When they got out of church, matt proceeds to say "They laugh at me cuz I'm funny, they laugh at you cuz your stupid"....

#4- Austin asks Matt "If the LAST PERSON in the world jumped off of a cliff would you?" Matt replies, "No, committing suicide is a sin". We laugh at Matt because obviously Matt wouldn't be around if the LAST PERSON in the world jumped off a cliff, and he makes it even funnier by saying " I thought about that guys, and I assumed that he meant the second to last person in the world". Right Matt, so I guess if Austin says "The last person in the world" it really means the second to last person... What a PE major.

#5- I notice Matt's nose is bright red today at breakfast, and I ask him what happens. "I was shaving my nose to get rid of the dead skin Greg." Jay then tells me that matt normally shaves his forehead as well. What the fuck?!?! Matt replies "Its to get rid of the dead skin on my forehead. Its good for my skin, it exfoliates it!"...... wow. He can't even spell the word sweet where did he come up with exfoliate? Oh and this just in, Matt put after shave on his nose after he shaved it......

I'm sure I left a few out, but trust me folks, the blog is back and better than ever.


Domo Arigato-
The Mole "The only one behind closed doors with Matt besides Amanda"

"This Isn't Aloe Vera!!!"

Last night at the end of dinner we noticed Matt Kenny doing something rather odd. We had all picked up our trays and were ready to go, and Matt was seen sitting in the booth rubbing pieces of melon on his lips like lip gloss. Yes, this sounds weird and hard to imagine, but that is exactly how it happened. Piece after piece of melon, matt would grace it across its lips and then devour it. His response to our awe and shock was "Ey! My lips is chapped!" Last I checked, this isn't aloe vera... it was a slice of melon!

Thanks Matt,
Just stay out of the web

A New Spot

After shooting the shit (matt kenny's new favorite phrase) for quite some time at the hickey, matt griffo and I decided to explore the quick center. The group made its way up to a modern art exhibit, and we each told what we thought the paintings were. After rather intelligent responses from Griffo and myself, Matt was amazed. While our responses ranged from a dark shores to optimus prime crying, matts were more along the lines of "that looks like a vagina" or something completely off. Alas an elderly couple entered the room and we finished our fun. Matt was not yet done with funny stories however. As I noticed a young boy in a window adjacent to us making faces at us and pointed him out, matt made a rather inappropriate face at the young child, surely scarring him for life. We can only hope this kid does not become an axe murderer.

Wiffle Ball With Mark

Just a short anecdote on Matt Kenny...

Here at St. Bonaventure the tundra of the winter has begun to thaw, as the seasons change. The other day we were walking back to our dorm and we made a comment about the smell in the air when it begins to warm up and the snow slowly melts. We collectively agreed the it was quite an unpleasant smell. Of course Matt Kenny had to disagree with us, saying, "I don't know I kinda like the smell." However, Matt Kenny didn't stop there, he had to take it a step further, as he went on to say, "It reminds me of playing wiffle ball in Mark's backyard." Not only was the comment completely outrageous, but what made it more asinine was that none of use even know who Mark is. My theory is it could be an imaginary friend from his childhood; that would be typical of Kenny. As I always say it's just another Matt Kenny moment.

Saucy Slang

Buon giorno! For the first time, I graciously welcome you into the wide and exciting world of Matthew Kenny. Firstly, it is an honor to be a scribe of the memoirs of the legendary Favre follower. My first entry involves a dinner-time conversation and some newfound phrases. I was vigorously picking at my fried chicken when Matthew expressed his love for "hanging out with the boys, not eating, just sitting." I agreed with Matthew, and then employed the commonly used phrase "shooting-the-shit." I then look up to gaze upon a dumbfounded Matthew. Then it struck me, he had never heard this phrase before. He looked at me as if it was some kind of prime-ape, poopoo slinging behavior. Once I and the fellows at the table explained the true meaning behind this phrase, one minute didn't pass when "shooting-the-shit" didn't come out of Matt Kenny's mouth. Knowledge is bliss. Until next time, Arrivederci!
GreasyPenmanship

Issue of Apology

The entire Matt Kenny Chronicles staff would like to offer a sincere apology to Amanda Johnson. The aim of this site was not to offend anyone, rather it is to celebrate the unique life of Matt Kenny. The comments issued in the blog were not intended to be malicious, but were offered up in a humorous and insincere manner. Once again we are sorry for the misunderstanding that has occurred. The blog was created to bring people together around the common grounds of our affection for Matt Kenny, instead of causing separation and hostility. We understand that we not only represent ourselves, but we also shoulder the duty of carrying on the spirit of Matt Kenny. Matt would not want such events to occur, so we promise something like this will not happen in the future.

A Third Musketeer Is Added To THe Team

Hey readers!! I shall be referred to as the mole, so my identity can remain anonymous and because I have access to vital inside information on the life of Matt Kenny. His most recent "kennyism" took place last night.

Matt- " **** I hate doing laundry"
Me- "Yeah me too.... I'll do your laundry for money"
Matt- "Ill do your laundry for money"
Me- "Ok how about I do your laundry for 10 bucks and you do mine for 5!"
Matt- ".......... hmmmm"

He then proceeds to walk out of the door... what an IDIOT!!!!!! 10$>5$


Thanks Matt for yet another Kennyism



--The Mole (The only one behind closed doors with Matt besides Amanda Johnson)

Let's Welcome a New Writer

While I cannot reveal myself fully due to the offensive material I will post, many of you on 3rd Fal will be able to figure it out. All I ask is that you don't tell Matt. I might write things that will make you laugh, cry, or urinate uncontrollably but realize it is all done with love for Matt Kenny.

You can expect shots at his height, hairiness, and undying passion for a certain basketball player in the future.  We will bring you material as soon as it becomes available.

Matt Kenny Goes to Town...on Amanda Johnson

Matt had a big weekend this week. When I say big I mean Amanda Johnson. Now for those of you unaware with Matt's situation, Matt has been tracking this "biddie" for months. After many trials and tribulations, Matt succeeded behind closed doors after a drunken escapade on Saturday night. Now we cannot be absolutely sure what happened, but there were reports of slurping and tongue action from those who were spying on the couple. A ladder and stilts were found at the scene of the crime.

The next day Matt ran away with Amanda to the exotic location of northern Pennslyvania. According to a source close to the couple, Matt left in the wee hours of the morning in order to be with his new lover.  We will brief you with information as it occurs.

Kenny Travels to Pennsylvania

Today we awoke and to our suprise Matt Kenny was no where to be found. Soon we would find out from his roommate Greg he snuck off to Pennsylvania with the infamous Amanda Johnson. The details of this road trip are still unclear.
This came after another crazy night, in which Amanda and Matt hooked up. She appears to be toying with his heart. We can only wish Kenny the best as he falls for this black widow, as he is too stubborn to listen to us.

Dinner With Kenny

I just returned from dinner with Matt Kenny. As usual it was very intriguing. One thing that he said that stuck with me was, "Don't you want Jesus to save you?" This question came after I said I was happy I'm not Catholic so I can eat meat on Fridays during lent. I found this offensive because I am a Christian- just not Catholic. Appearently Matt thinks that the Catholic denomination is the only true form of Christianity.
Another thing Matt Kenny said was; olive oil is good for you. Although it may be better than other oils it's still not good for you. Just a typical Matt Kenny statement for you.

The Beginning of The End

Today was a particularly difficult day for Matt Kenny. His idol and man crush Brett Favre announced his retirement today. We tempted to raise the spirits of the crestfallen Kenny with hugs and words of encouragement, but our actions were futile.

I can relate to Kenny's situation as I had to endure the retirement of the Denver Bronco great John Elway. This will be a long healing process for Kenny, but in time the void left by Brett Favre will be filled.

It doesn't help Kenny that Brett Favre's retirement has come in a very turbulent time in his life. Because of his major being Physical Education he is taking his first real class this semester, which is biology. In addition to his rigorous schedule he is also in the midst of a difficult love situation. He is still chasing after the nefarious Amanda Johnson- the girl who has stolen his heart and stomped on it multiple times already. More will be discussed about this in future posts.

Matt Kenny is enduring a very arduous time in his life right now. We can only hope and pray that things turn around for Kenny and he finds the happiness that he deserves.

Preface

This blog is devoted to chronicling the everyday happenings of the beloved Matthew Carey Kenny, as he is truly a unique specimen. I hope in creating this blog I can share the laughter and joy that Matt Kenny brings to all of his friends at St. Bonaventure University.